As if it’s perfectly OK to kiss them at any other time.
I wonder if I let more slide with my youngest kid because he’s a little boy — and, as such, more prone to sweet-but-lunkheaded actions — or because he’s the youngest of five and the things that seemed worth doing something about when my older kids were his age just seem not worth freaking out about now. Case in point: When our now-11-year-old son was 3, I’d have to fight the urge to coat him in hand-sanitizing gel if I saw our dog licking him. Now, a dog — not just ours — slobbers directly on my younger kids’ faces and I consider wiping the dog’s mouth because, ye gods, little kids are germy.
But “Things I Never Thought I’d Do As A Mom” is a totally different list. Here are a few of the things I never thought I’d hear myself say:
- “Don’t lick the floor.”
- “Do not help the dog eat his dinner.”
- “You are not an elephant. That is not your trunk.”
- “Your brother is not a napkin.”
- “The dog is not supposed to bite you. Take your arm out of his mouth, please.”
- “It doesn’t matter if they do it in The Little Mermaid, you may not comb your hair with that fork during dinner.”
- “Where are your pants?”
- “Put your uncle’s beer down, please.”
- “Lick your hand first, and then I’ll put Bacon Salt on it for you.”
- “Only eat leaves that Mama or Daddy give you.”