Over at Work It, Mom! I've pulled together 10 easy and interesting ways to liven up your kids' lunchboxes (or yours). Check it out!
10 Easy Lunchbox Ideas
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Should your boyfriend discipline your child?
Rachel Sarah at Single Mom Seeking brings up the issue, now that her boyfriend is becoming more of a fixture in her and her daughter's lives.
"I’m honest about this: Discipline has not been my strengths, and I work hard at setting boundaries," she confesses. But, "my daughter is feeling so comfortable with the boyfriend that she’s starting to push limits."
This is something I face constantly as a step parent. It happened a decade ago, when we were just starting to try to find our blended-family footing, and still happens now that our oldest girls are teenagers. Should your significant other, who is not your child's parent, be allowed or encouraged to discipline your child? What do you do when a child you love, a child you're raising -- but a child who isn't "yours" -- is pushing limits?
As I told my readers at Boston.com's Child Caring blog recently: I think the answer depends on how you define "discipline."
In my case, I was (and am) comfortable with sending the big kids to their rooms. I'll correct manners, enforce our household rules, separate squabbling siblings, set time outs, revoke privileges, confiscate toys. But spanking? Personally, I've never felt comfortable about spanking my step kids (or even yelling at them). I'm not shirking my parental duties, and I am certainly no surrendered wife, but if harsher punishment needs to be meted out when my step kids with us, it seems like that should be up to their dad because, well, he's their dad. I'll back him up, I'll support his decision, but the decision is still his, not mine.
I also think the answer may differ depending on whether the significant other is male or female. Step dads are often lauded as heros for "saving" the single mom in distress and "taking on" her kids; few people blink if a step dad has to lay down the law. Step moms, though? Our authority is always in question, if not by the kids, then by other adults. I think there are far fewer single dads out there wondering if their girlfriends should have a hand in disciplining the kids.
So what do you think, parents? Is it ever appropriate for your significant other to discipline your child? And how do you define "discipline"?
P.S. -- Sarah's followed up her original one with another great thought-provoker:
Click over there to read her whole post and comment. As for me, I have to say: Absolutely, yes, love grows!
"I’m honest about this: Discipline has not been my strengths, and I work hard at setting boundaries," she confesses. But, "my daughter is feeling so comfortable with the boyfriend that she’s starting to push limits."
This is something I face constantly as a step parent. It happened a decade ago, when we were just starting to try to find our blended-family footing, and still happens now that our oldest girls are teenagers. Should your significant other, who is not your child's parent, be allowed or encouraged to discipline your child? What do you do when a child you love, a child you're raising -- but a child who isn't "yours" -- is pushing limits?
As I told my readers at Boston.com's Child Caring blog recently: I think the answer depends on how you define "discipline."
In my case, I was (and am) comfortable with sending the big kids to their rooms. I'll correct manners, enforce our household rules, separate squabbling siblings, set time outs, revoke privileges, confiscate toys. But spanking? Personally, I've never felt comfortable about spanking my step kids (or even yelling at them). I'm not shirking my parental duties, and I am certainly no surrendered wife, but if harsher punishment needs to be meted out when my step kids with us, it seems like that should be up to their dad because, well, he's their dad. I'll back him up, I'll support his decision, but the decision is still his, not mine.
I also think the answer may differ depending on whether the significant other is male or female. Step dads are often lauded as heros for "saving" the single mom in distress and "taking on" her kids; few people blink if a step dad has to lay down the law. Step moms, though? Our authority is always in question, if not by the kids, then by other adults. I think there are far fewer single dads out there wondering if their girlfriends should have a hand in disciplining the kids.
So what do you think, parents? Is it ever appropriate for your significant other to discipline your child? And how do you define "discipline"?
P.S. -- Sarah's followed up her original one with another great thought-provoker:
As LG spends more time with us, our love does grow. When the three of us are
together, I feel like we’re making space for all of us. As my love gets bigger, so does my daughter’s — and so does his. It is possible that this is just going to get bigger and bigger?
Click over there to read her whole post and comment. As for me, I have to say: Absolutely, yes, love grows!
Friday, November 6, 2009
Procrastinating my way to productivity
I noticed recently that when there's something on my to-do list that I really want to avoid, I start searching for something else -- anything else -- to do instead. Sometimes that means I end up baking banana bread at 2 in the morning. Sometimes I discover an awesome new blog. Sometimes I end up surfing my favorite time-wasters on the web. But most of the time, that search for a distraction brings me right back to my to-do list, and I end up knocking tons of little line items off and being productive in spite of myself.
Case in point: I needed to re-read a book that I'm reviewing, because I loved it but I read it so long ago that can't figure out how to describe it in 500 words without completely giving away the plot. So what I did I do instead? Wrote a month's worth of product reviews, cleaned out my work bag -- twice -- and sorted coupons. (Yes, Kathy Spencer inspired me, too!)
Another example: the post that appeared last week at The 36-Hour Day. I should have written it days earlier, but I've been soloparenting while my husband is away and after I got home from work I hung out with my kids and fed them dinner and put them to bed and stumbled downstairs and looked at my computer and thought, "Um. Anything I type is not going to be coherent. It might not even contain actual words. Don't I have a book to reread for that review?"
Which meant that, when the piece was actually due, I was running out of items with which to procrastinate. If you've been procrastinating for a while, eventually you come to the big thing on your to-do list, the one you were trying to avoid to begin with. And there's nothing left to do but tackle that item head-on.
That post was not that item. The thing I'm really trying to avoid is cleaning my house in advance of my youngest child's 3rd birthday party, which is taking place this weekend. Which means that I've suddenly discovered a few other things I can get done before I can't procrastinate about the cleaning any longer.
Case in point: I needed to re-read a book that I'm reviewing, because I loved it but I read it so long ago that can't figure out how to describe it in 500 words without completely giving away the plot. So what I did I do instead? Wrote a month's worth of product reviews, cleaned out my work bag -- twice -- and sorted coupons. (Yes, Kathy Spencer inspired me, too!)
Another example: the post that appeared last week at The 36-Hour Day. I should have written it days earlier, but I've been soloparenting while my husband is away and after I got home from work I hung out with my kids and fed them dinner and put them to bed and stumbled downstairs and looked at my computer and thought, "Um. Anything I type is not going to be coherent. It might not even contain actual words. Don't I have a book to reread for that review?"
Which meant that, when the piece was actually due, I was running out of items with which to procrastinate. If you've been procrastinating for a while, eventually you come to the big thing on your to-do list, the one you were trying to avoid to begin with. And there's nothing left to do but tackle that item head-on.
That post was not that item. The thing I'm really trying to avoid is cleaning my house in advance of my youngest child's 3rd birthday party, which is taking place this weekend. Which means that I've suddenly discovered a few other things I can get done before I can't procrastinate about the cleaning any longer.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Mini and Maxi Kick Scooters: Fast and fun, no training wheels required
My youngest kids have a need for speed. Alas, they also have a need for training wheels. The Maxi Kick Scooter and it's smaller sibling, the Mini, were perfect bike substitute on a recent, rare, sunny New England day.Unlike almost everything else my kids have, these scooters can be assembled quickly and easily; the drive shaft simply snaps into place, and you're good to go (you can take them apart just as quickly, with the push of a hidden button). Made by Mirco-Mobility, both scooters have a sturdy, skateboard-like deck and a wonderfully responsive steering system that allows kids to zoom happily and easily on three wheels. They can swerve gently simply by leaning on the handlebar -- I was really impressed by how easy it was for my 3- and 5-year-olds to maintain control while riding.
The Swiss-designed scooters come in two sizes, Mini (for 3- to 5-year-olds, $84.99, with traditional T-bar handles) and Maxi (6- to 10-year-olds, $149.99, with a cool, joystick-like handle) and in a range of bright colors. They're lightweight but sturdy, and were able to handle every type of surface my kids and their friends tried to ride (gravel, wet leaves, puddles, steep driveways, grass -- they left no terrain untested).
If you're looking to go green, they're an easy way to start. If you're tired of strapping several bicycles to the back of your car, these scooters make an excellent alternative. You can find them at Henry's Bear Park, Stellabella Toys, Magic Beans, and Learning Express stores in the Boston area (or click through to find a retailer near you). For the month of November, WriteEditRepeat readers can get 20 percent off a scooter when the order at KickboardUSA.com -- just use coupon code WriteEditRepeat at checkout!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Tricks for using up those Halloween treats
Now that Halloween is over, I want to get rid of the metric ton of candy that's still sitting in my house. I could bring it in to the office, but if I can't resist the siren's song of the fun-size Snickers bar in my pantry, how can I turn my back on it when it's sitting there, in plain sight, next to my desk? Besides, my coworkers already filled our corner of the office with tiny bars of every candy ever invented earlier in the week. To bring in more would be overkill.But not if I've magically transformed them into something else first.
Here are five tricks for using up all of those Halloween treats:
1.) Hot fudge sauce. Measure out two cups of nut-free and krispie-free chocolates from the stash and put them in a microwave-safe glass container, preferably something with a handle and a pouring spout, like a large Pyrex measuring cup. Add about 1/2 cup of heavy cream. Microwave the cream and chocolate at 80-percent power in 20 second bursts, or until the chocolate melts. Remove it (carefully!), stir (carefully!) and then pour it (carefully!) over ice cream -- or, ideally, into several sanitized glass jelly jars, so you can give them away to someone else.
2.) Candy Pizza. Press your favorite cookie dough into a pie tin, then cover with a thick pool of melted chocolate candies. Top with whatever chocolate goodies you have left -- Raisinets, Reeces Pieces, M&Ms, shattered Heath Bars, crumbled Butterfingers -- drizzle with melted Milk Duds, dot with mini marshallows, and bake. Cut into wedges to serve.
3.) Surprise brownies. Chocolate and peanut butter are a perfect match; so is chocolate and mint. Whip up a batch of your favorite brownies, pour half the batter in the pan, and then scatter on a layer of whole peanut-butter cups or Peppermint Patties. Top with the remaining batter and bake.
4.) Fruity Popcorn Balls. OK, I haven't made these -- one of my kids is a fiend for all things fruity, so the Skittles and Starburst disappeared almost immediately. But if you have leftover chewy, fruit-flavored, taffy-like candies lying around, you can try this recipe from Cooks.com: In a saucepan, combine 1/4 cup of light corn syrup, 2 tablespoons water, and 8 ounces of candy fruit chews. Melt over low heat, stirring until smooth, then bring to a boil for five minutes. Cool slightly, pour over 8 cups of already-popped popcorn, spray your hands with non-stick spray, and shape the gooey mixture into balls. My teeth hurt just typing this.
5.) Hard candy "stained glass" cookies. Make (or buy) your favorite sugar cookie dough (or follow this recipe). Roll it out to 1/4-inch thick, and cut out shapes with floured cookie cutters. Trace a smaller version of each shape from each cookie, leaving a 3/4-inch border; cut out the smaller shape. Fill the hole with crushed hard candies -- using one color per cookie will result in a neater treat. The candy will melt as the cookie bakes (cool completely before handling)
If all else fails, you can always send the stuff elsewhere. Halloween Candy Buy Back will pay $1 a pound for your kids candy; they ship the sweets to soldiers overseas. Go to halloweencandybuyback.com and plug in your zip code to see if a dentist in your area is participating in the program. You can also ship it directly to OperationGratitude.com by mailing it, no later than Dec. 5, to Operation Gratitude/California Army National Guard, 17330 Victory Blvd., Van Nuys, CA 91406, Attn: Charlie Othold.
What are you doing with your leftover Halloween candy this year?
Monday, November 2, 2009
Of course Sarah Palin's on LinkedIn. You should be, too
The Huffington Post reported last week that former vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin has posted her resume on LinkedIn.
I have to admit, I don't really see the point in the snark about this. For all I disagree with her politics, the former governor is super savvy when it comes to social networking. And smart women know the importance of social networking.
I've been trying to use Facebook solely for socializing, and LinkedIn solely for business, but I have to admit that it's become really difficult to keep things separate. For one thing, the line between work and the rest of your life gets blurry when you're friendly with your former colleagues. How can you refuse to ask your boss to be friends with you on Facebook when you're Facebook friends with your former supervisor -- who used to be his boss?
(I don't use MySpace at all. If LinkedIn is to Facebook as your business card is to a scrap of paper with your name and phone number scrawled on it, then MySpace is akin to writing your nickname on someone's arm with a magic marker. I don't really know yet where Twitter falls on the networking spectrum, but I use it and I like it -- for marketing, for meeting new contacts, for finding out what's going on.)
Regardless of which site you choose to use for networking, here are a few things to keep in mind:
1.) Don't post anything you wouldn't want to be asked about -- or held against you -- in an interview.
2.) Toot your own horn. It's not like a paper resume, where you're encouraged to keep the information to a single page. Take the opportunity to detail as much as you can, and go as far back into the past as is relevant -- you're not limited to your most-current experiences. Keep the language professional, but feel free to add your awards, accolades, and additional skills -- this is your chance to shine.
3.) Gather recommendations. On LinkedIn, recommendations are like those references you're supposed to provide upon request -- except that they've visible for all to see, all the time. On Facebook, create a fan page for your work, and ask your friends to join. You'd be surprised at how many people know -- and like -- what you do.
4.) If you have a professional blog, link to it. Think of it as a chance to show off your online portfolio. If you don't have a professional blog, link to examples of your work instead. Linking to your current company's website is fine, especially if it showcases some of your accomplishments. Linking to your family's online photo album is not.
5.) Direct people to your LinkedIn profile or Facebook page. Don't just use the default URL that came with your profile -- change it to something easily recognizable, like your name, and use it along with your signature at the bottom of emails.
What social networking sites to you use and why?
I have to admit, I don't really see the point in the snark about this. For all I disagree with her politics, the former governor is super savvy when it comes to social networking. And smart women know the importance of social networking.
I've been trying to use Facebook solely for socializing, and LinkedIn solely for business, but I have to admit that it's become really difficult to keep things separate. For one thing, the line between work and the rest of your life gets blurry when you're friendly with your former colleagues. How can you refuse to ask your boss to be friends with you on Facebook when you're Facebook friends with your former supervisor -- who used to be his boss?
(I don't use MySpace at all. If LinkedIn is to Facebook as your business card is to a scrap of paper with your name and phone number scrawled on it, then MySpace is akin to writing your nickname on someone's arm with a magic marker. I don't really know yet where Twitter falls on the networking spectrum, but I use it and I like it -- for marketing, for meeting new contacts, for finding out what's going on.)
Regardless of which site you choose to use for networking, here are a few things to keep in mind:
1.) Don't post anything you wouldn't want to be asked about -- or held against you -- in an interview.
2.) Toot your own horn. It's not like a paper resume, where you're encouraged to keep the information to a single page. Take the opportunity to detail as much as you can, and go as far back into the past as is relevant -- you're not limited to your most-current experiences. Keep the language professional, but feel free to add your awards, accolades, and additional skills -- this is your chance to shine.
3.) Gather recommendations. On LinkedIn, recommendations are like those references you're supposed to provide upon request -- except that they've visible for all to see, all the time. On Facebook, create a fan page for your work, and ask your friends to join. You'd be surprised at how many people know -- and like -- what you do.
4.) If you have a professional blog, link to it. Think of it as a chance to show off your online portfolio. If you don't have a professional blog, link to examples of your work instead. Linking to your current company's website is fine, especially if it showcases some of your accomplishments. Linking to your family's online photo album is not.
5.) Direct people to your LinkedIn profile or Facebook page. Don't just use the default URL that came with your profile -- change it to something easily recognizable, like your name, and use it along with your signature at the bottom of emails.
What social networking sites to you use and why?
Sunday, November 1, 2009
The baby's coming -- and the internet is invited
Plenty of first-time parents have questions about what really goes on in the delivery room. And plenty of mommy bloggers document every detail of their pregnancies on their blogs. But Lynsee, a 23-year-old teacher in Minneapolis, is taking things further by sharing her entire first pregnancy -- including the birth of her daughter -- with the internet via Moms Like Me.
“We wanted to document the pregnancy and create a one-of-a-kind memento for our baby to have forever,” Lynsee told KARE-TV 11, which is partnered with Moms Like Me and is also covering her pregnancy. "You'll be at some of the doctor's appointments... You'll be there in the delivery room, tastefully, but you will be there.’’
About 900 Moms Like Me members are following Lynsee's journey to motherhood via a discussion group called "Watch Lynsee Grow!", which will have a live feed from the hospital when the time comes. (Only members will be able to leave comments, but the feed is open to anyone who wants to watch.)
Of course, you can't log off when you're the one in labor. And you certainly can't script a birth. Viewers won’t see any graphic details -- an experienced camera crew will be at the helm, Twin Cities Moms Like Me site manager Cindy Chapman says, and a team of people will be monitoring the shoot as well as the online chat. Chapman, who will be at the hospital with Lynsee, adds that there is a "massive crisis plan" in place, just in case.
In October, MomsLikeMe.com asked their members for their thoughts on the couple's decision. About 60 percent of moms said that they do not want anyone besides their significant other in the delivery room but, in another poll, the same percentage responded that they would be interested in watching a broadcast of a live birth. "You never know when you start projects like this, how they’re going to go,” Chapman says. "The response has been overwhelming, very supportive, very positive for Lynsee."
Thinking back to my own first pregnancy (and the 30+ hours of labor leading up to an emergency C-section) -- I can't imagine having a camera crew in the room at that time. I can see why some people would be glued to the screen, though. Is it compelling? Yes. But coming off of the Balloon Boy saga, one may wonder whether this is just another example of society's obsession with reality TV-type programing.
Moms Like Me representatives insist that Lynsee and her 24-year-old husband, Anders (who have requested that I not publish their last name, for privacy reasons) aren't in it for fame or fortune. Though there are a few corporate sponsors on board and KARE-TV helped throw her a baby shower/promotional event at the famed Mall of America, all gifts were donated to charity and Lynsee is not being compensated for her participation in the project, according Chapman.
With her due date rapidly approaching, Lynsee took the time to answer a few of my questions:
Some of your early posts in the "Watch Lynsee Grow!" group mention your being exhausted at work. What type of work do you do, and do you plan to return to it (or stay home, or switch jobs) after your baby is born?
I’m a teacher, I teach Family and Consumer Science and so I’m on my feet a lot. I do plan on going back to teaching next fall, but I do want to have some time with the baby first.
When is your due-date?
November 19th
Are you planning a home birth, a birthing center/midwife birth, or a hospital birth? Did you have to get any special permission to set up the webcam in the delivery room?
I’m using a mid-wife and will have a hospital birth. Yes, we got special permission from the hospital but since they’d worked with MomsLikeMe.com’s partner KARE11 so many times in the past they were comfortable with them and had no problems signing the release.
As the big day approaches, are you having any second thoughts about broadcasting the labor and delivery live?
No – it’s the final part of the journey. It’s the one big moment and the special part and it’s what I’m looking forward to sharing with everyone the most.
I know a lot of women want their moms in the delivery room with them, and some want their best friends and siblings too, but there are lots of people who can't imagine having anyone besides their husbands in the room while they're in labor. Do you think it would feel different having several people in the room, as opposed to having people watching via webcam?
I honestly don’t think I’m even going to realize it. I think with the support of my mom, husband and mid-wife I’m going to be able to focus on my delivery and not even pay attention to the cameras there.
Where did the idea for "Watch Lynsee Grow" come from? Did you approach Moms Like Me, or did they approach you?
Cindy Chapman (the site manager for MomsLikeMe.com) put up a post on the site asking if anyone was pregnant. I emailed her right away and she filled me in on the project, I talked with my husband and we were excited about it!
How is showing the birth live on the internet a memento for the baby (as opposed to video taping the event but keeping it private)?
It will be special because it will be broadcast live… something that’s never done before. I will also have all the support from the mom’s on the site while I’m having the baby. Just knowing they are there during labor means a lot to me.
What do you hope viewers get out of watching your experience?
Just the sense of how special this is – even though millions of women give birth every day. It’s so miraculous and special because each birth is different. If I were in a classroom, I would be teaching about childhood development, so I feel that I’m using myself as a textbook to teach others about pregnancy and delivery and those on the site are my classroom.
Have you ever attended a birth?
I have not – I’ve seen plenty in movies – but I have never attended a live birth!
“We wanted to document the pregnancy and create a one-of-a-kind memento for our baby to have forever,” Lynsee told KARE-TV 11, which is partnered with Moms Like Me and is also covering her pregnancy. "You'll be at some of the doctor's appointments... You'll be there in the delivery room, tastefully, but you will be there.’’
About 900 Moms Like Me members are following Lynsee's journey to motherhood via a discussion group called "Watch Lynsee Grow!", which will have a live feed from the hospital when the time comes. (Only members will be able to leave comments, but the feed is open to anyone who wants to watch.)
Of course, you can't log off when you're the one in labor. And you certainly can't script a birth. Viewers won’t see any graphic details -- an experienced camera crew will be at the helm, Twin Cities Moms Like Me site manager Cindy Chapman says, and a team of people will be monitoring the shoot as well as the online chat. Chapman, who will be at the hospital with Lynsee, adds that there is a "massive crisis plan" in place, just in case.
In October, MomsLikeMe.com asked their members for their thoughts on the couple's decision. About 60 percent of moms said that they do not want anyone besides their significant other in the delivery room but, in another poll, the same percentage responded that they would be interested in watching a broadcast of a live birth. "You never know when you start projects like this, how they’re going to go,” Chapman says. "The response has been overwhelming, very supportive, very positive for Lynsee."
Thinking back to my own first pregnancy (and the 30+ hours of labor leading up to an emergency C-section) -- I can't imagine having a camera crew in the room at that time. I can see why some people would be glued to the screen, though. Is it compelling? Yes. But coming off of the Balloon Boy saga, one may wonder whether this is just another example of society's obsession with reality TV-type programing.
Moms Like Me representatives insist that Lynsee and her 24-year-old husband, Anders (who have requested that I not publish their last name, for privacy reasons) aren't in it for fame or fortune. Though there are a few corporate sponsors on board and KARE-TV helped throw her a baby shower/promotional event at the famed Mall of America, all gifts were donated to charity and Lynsee is not being compensated for her participation in the project, according Chapman.
With her due date rapidly approaching, Lynsee took the time to answer a few of my questions:
Some of your early posts in the "Watch Lynsee Grow!" group mention your being exhausted at work. What type of work do you do, and do you plan to return to it (or stay home, or switch jobs) after your baby is born?
I’m a teacher, I teach Family and Consumer Science and so I’m on my feet a lot. I do plan on going back to teaching next fall, but I do want to have some time with the baby first.
When is your due-date?
November 19th
Are you planning a home birth, a birthing center/midwife birth, or a hospital birth? Did you have to get any special permission to set up the webcam in the delivery room?
I’m using a mid-wife and will have a hospital birth. Yes, we got special permission from the hospital but since they’d worked with MomsLikeMe.com’s partner KARE11 so many times in the past they were comfortable with them and had no problems signing the release.
As the big day approaches, are you having any second thoughts about broadcasting the labor and delivery live?
No – it’s the final part of the journey. It’s the one big moment and the special part and it’s what I’m looking forward to sharing with everyone the most.
I know a lot of women want their moms in the delivery room with them, and some want their best friends and siblings too, but there are lots of people who can't imagine having anyone besides their husbands in the room while they're in labor. Do you think it would feel different having several people in the room, as opposed to having people watching via webcam?
I honestly don’t think I’m even going to realize it. I think with the support of my mom, husband and mid-wife I’m going to be able to focus on my delivery and not even pay attention to the cameras there.
Where did the idea for "Watch Lynsee Grow" come from? Did you approach Moms Like Me, or did they approach you?
Cindy Chapman (the site manager for MomsLikeMe.com) put up a post on the site asking if anyone was pregnant. I emailed her right away and she filled me in on the project, I talked with my husband and we were excited about it!
How is showing the birth live on the internet a memento for the baby (as opposed to video taping the event but keeping it private)?
It will be special because it will be broadcast live… something that’s never done before. I will also have all the support from the mom’s on the site while I’m having the baby. Just knowing they are there during labor means a lot to me.
What do you hope viewers get out of watching your experience?
Just the sense of how special this is – even though millions of women give birth every day. It’s so miraculous and special because each birth is different. If I were in a classroom, I would be teaching about childhood development, so I feel that I’m using myself as a textbook to teach others about pregnancy and delivery and those on the site are my classroom.
Have you ever attended a birth?
I have not – I’ve seen plenty in movies – but I have never attended a live birth!
Friday, October 30, 2009
Is Halloween a religious holiday -- and should it be celebrated at school?
Tomorrow is Halloween, and this morning I dropped an adorably ferocious dinosaur and a sparklingly happy winged fairy off at preschool. They have been looking forward to their class parties all week, proudly making decorations and planning games and treats (a pinata shaped like a ghost! Slightly spooky stories at circle time! Haunted apples!).
The month-long march toward trick-or-treating with ghosts and ghouls (and princesses, and superheroes, and animals, and celebrities, and licensed characters like Harry Potter or Dora the Explorer) is considered pretty standard, by most people. Apple-picking and pumpkin carving are traditional celebrations of fall, and Halloween is a time for dressing up and having fun.
But there are many parents who consider Halloween to be a quasi-religious holiday -- and they don't want it celebrated in schools.
Most Evangelical Christians and many devout Catholics consider all aspects of Halloween to be "of the occult." But before you leap to the conclusion that this is purely a Chrisitan conundrum -- I'll admit that I thought so, at first -- let me point out that some devout Muslims and Jews also object to Halloween on religious grounds. Conservative Muslims consider Halloween forbidden (haram) not only because it's a non-Muslim celebration, but because they believe it represents the devil. Orthodox Jews discourage Halloween because of it's Pagan and Christian roots.
Halloween is thought to have started with the Celtic festival Samhain, in which the souls of the dead were thought to return to their former homes to be entertained by the living, who offered food and shelter to them in order to ward off evil spells. Later -- in about 8 A.D. -- Pope Gregory IV decreed that the Feast of All Saints, which was celebrated in May, be held on November 1 instead. (Some historians say that it was Pope Gregory VII who did this, sometime around 1080; either way, the point is that it was established independently from the Pagan celebration.) The night before the feast a vigil was held, and it became known as "All Hallows Even," or "Hallowe'en."
"If you're going to kick Christian celebrations like Christmas out of the schools, and leave Halloween in, you're going to have a reaction," Robert Knight, director of cultural studies for the conservative Family Research Council, pointed out in an article on Beliefnet.com. "And if they're going to be evenhanded in not establishing religion in the schools, they're probably going to have to do away with Halloween."
Which makes a lot more sense to me than protesting over the occult aspect of October 31. Frankly, the whole "we don't celebrate the undead" argument I've heard doesn't fly with me, especially if one celebrates Easter. And if it's OK to sprinkle blessed salt and holy water on your doorstep to ward off evil, how can carving a pumpkin be evil? And I really don't see how a 5-year-old in a fairy costume is disturbing while a little girl dressed as St. Lucy, holding her gouged-out eyes on a plate, is not).
What do you think, parents? Harmless fun or dangerous indoctrination? Should ghosts and ghouls be celebrated in schools?
The month-long march toward trick-or-treating with ghosts and ghouls (and princesses, and superheroes, and animals, and celebrities, and licensed characters like Harry Potter or Dora the Explorer) is considered pretty standard, by most people. Apple-picking and pumpkin carving are traditional celebrations of fall, and Halloween is a time for dressing up and having fun.
But there are many parents who consider Halloween to be a quasi-religious holiday -- and they don't want it celebrated in schools.
Most Evangelical Christians and many devout Catholics consider all aspects of Halloween to be "of the occult." But before you leap to the conclusion that this is purely a Chrisitan conundrum -- I'll admit that I thought so, at first -- let me point out that some devout Muslims and Jews also object to Halloween on religious grounds. Conservative Muslims consider Halloween forbidden (haram) not only because it's a non-Muslim celebration, but because they believe it represents the devil. Orthodox Jews discourage Halloween because of it's Pagan and Christian roots.
Halloween is thought to have started with the Celtic festival Samhain, in which the souls of the dead were thought to return to their former homes to be entertained by the living, who offered food and shelter to them in order to ward off evil spells. Later -- in about 8 A.D. -- Pope Gregory IV decreed that the Feast of All Saints, which was celebrated in May, be held on November 1 instead. (Some historians say that it was Pope Gregory VII who did this, sometime around 1080; either way, the point is that it was established independently from the Pagan celebration.) The night before the feast a vigil was held, and it became known as "All Hallows Even," or "Hallowe'en."
"If you're going to kick Christian celebrations like Christmas out of the schools, and leave Halloween in, you're going to have a reaction," Robert Knight, director of cultural studies for the conservative Family Research Council, pointed out in an article on Beliefnet.com. "And if they're going to be evenhanded in not establishing religion in the schools, they're probably going to have to do away with Halloween."
Which makes a lot more sense to me than protesting over the occult aspect of October 31. Frankly, the whole "we don't celebrate the undead" argument I've heard doesn't fly with me, especially if one celebrates Easter. And if it's OK to sprinkle blessed salt and holy water on your doorstep to ward off evil, how can carving a pumpkin be evil? And I really don't see how a 5-year-old in a fairy costume is disturbing while a little girl dressed as St. Lucy, holding her gouged-out eyes on a plate, is not).
What do you think, parents? Harmless fun or dangerous indoctrination? Should ghosts and ghouls be celebrated in schools?
Working moms raise unhealthy kids, study says
My friend Nataly over at Work It, Mom! sent me a link, and I had to take a couple of deep breaths in order to get past the first paragraph of this BBC News story: "Children whose mothers work are less likely to lead healthy lives than those with 'stay at home' mothers, a study says."The study by the UCL Institute of Child Heath (ICH) focused on the families of 12,500 5-year-olds; the same children took part in an earlier study which found that those with working mothers were more likely to be obese or overweight by the age of 3.
So, let me get this straight: The new study "discovered" that the same kids who were likely to be obese or overweight by the age of 3 were also less likely to lead healthy lives at age 5? And that it's all mom's fault for working outside the home?
Sorry, BBC and ICH. I'm calling foul on this one.
Among the findings:
- 5-year-olds whose mothers worked part-time or full-time were more likely to primarily consume sweetened drinks between meals.
- 5-year-olds with working mothers used their computers or watched television for at least two hours a day.
- Kids with working moms were more likely to be driven to school compared to the children of "stay at home" mothers who tended to walk or cycle.
Among the loopholes:
- Working outside of the home doesn't automatically make you buy cookies and soda when you're stocking the pantry; sounds like more of an education issue than an employment one to me. Also: These studies took place Great Britain, where the schools are notorious for serving nutritionally bankrupt food to students (check out chef Jamie Oliver's efforts to change this). How is that the fault of working mothers?
- A Harvard Medical School study earlier this year found that while TV time isn't beneficial for kids, it's not necessarily harmful either. While spending tons of time in front of the tube isn't good for anyone, what your kids are watching has much more of an impact than the fact that the TV is on. (As for the computer, there are plenty of great educational sites for kids out there.)
- For goodness sake, are moms really the only ones responsible for taking kids to school in the morning?
Professor Catherine Law, who led the new study, theorized that working moms may not have enough time to provide healthy foods or opportunities for physical activity, but insisted that the results of the study "do not imply that mothers should not work." (No... the British Institute for Economic and Social Research took care of that with their 2003 study, which concluded that "going back to work after the birth of a child can have a negative impact on a child's development - unless you have lots of money.") Instead, Law says, her study shows that there need to be more policies and programs to help support parents (which, presumably, mothers would be too busy to participate in because of all that detrimental working they insist on doing instead of being at home where they belong).
The ICH study did not look at fathers and their employment levels, because their numbers have remained stable while the number of moms in the workforce has "increased dramatically." Here is a brief list of other things that have also "increased dramatically" but are not taken into account in the study, in my opinion:
The ICH study did not look at fathers and their employment levels, because their numbers have remained stable while the number of moms in the workforce has "increased dramatically." Here is a brief list of other things that have also "increased dramatically" but are not taken into account in the study, in my opinion:
- Household expenses, making working outside of the home less of a choice and more of a necessity for many people.
- The availability and marketing of processed foods, making it more expensive -- and, for some people, more difficult -- to buy the wholesome foods that are actually good for you.
- Nostalgia and the belief that old gender stereotypes are the only way to go, making "working mom guilt" more widespread than ever.
The embers of the Mommy Wars must have gone dim for a second. Lucky thing this study came along to fan the flames.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Yelling vs. spanking?
I read the New York Times article last week about how, for some parents, shouting at kids has replaced spanking, and I immediately felt guilty.
I've been solo-parenting for the past week while my husband is with our oldest kids, out of state. I've noticed that I've been yelling much more than I usually do, and over things that usually don't frustrate me right away.
My about-to-turn 3-year-old is really pushing limits, trying to see how much he can get away with. After asking him to do something (or, more commonly, not to do something), my voice gets louder and sharper, and there I am, yelling instead of speaking calmly. I'm not saying anything awful, but I'm definitely angry -- and he can tell. It gets his attention, but it's having an effect I didn't notice right away: My sweet-tempered 5-year-old has picked up on my frustration, and when he gets in her way now, she yells at him.
And I cringe.
I'm not a yeller. At least, I didn't used to be. I don't yell at our older kids, even when I'm angry, probably because as a stepmom I've never really felt like I could squander the emotional currency I'd banked; with step kids, you can love them like your own but it doesn't guarantee that they'll love you back.
With my youngest kids, it's different. My stubborn little boy asks for cuddles even after he's pushed me to my limit by not listening. I know my youngest girl won't hold it against me if I raise my voice because she's taken 20 minutes to eat a single bite of rice. But when I shout, it's along the lines of "Pick up your toys right now!" or "Put that down, that's dangerous!" Not “This is ridiculous! I’ve been doing things all day for you!” Or worse.
I think there's a big difference between raising your voice to make a point and screaming something cruel at someone, especially a child, but the New York Times piece doesn't really address this. Of course yelling affects a child -- "If someone yelled at you at work, you’d find that pretty jarring. We don’t apply that standard to children,” says one of the study's lead author's, sociologist Murray A. Straus. But isn't what's being said as important -- or as detrimental -- as the tone in which it's said?
The study doesn't offer an alternative to yelling, though Amy McCready, the founder of Positive Parenting Solutions, acknowledges that most of the techniques out there don't do the trick. Parents "resort to reminding, nagging, timeout, counting 1-2-3 and quickly realize that those strategies don’t work to change behavior," she says in the article. "In the absence of tools that really work, they feel frustrated and angry and raise their voice. They feel guilty afterward, and the whole cycle begins again.”
Maybe what we need to do is just accept that we all lose it from time to time -- even supermoms and dads are only human. So, I'm asking my readers at Boston.com these questions: How do you keep your temper when your kids are pushing you to your limit? And what sets you off?
I've been solo-parenting for the past week while my husband is with our oldest kids, out of state. I've noticed that I've been yelling much more than I usually do, and over things that usually don't frustrate me right away.
My about-to-turn 3-year-old is really pushing limits, trying to see how much he can get away with. After asking him to do something (or, more commonly, not to do something), my voice gets louder and sharper, and there I am, yelling instead of speaking calmly. I'm not saying anything awful, but I'm definitely angry -- and he can tell. It gets his attention, but it's having an effect I didn't notice right away: My sweet-tempered 5-year-old has picked up on my frustration, and when he gets in her way now, she yells at him.
And I cringe.
I'm not a yeller. At least, I didn't used to be. I don't yell at our older kids, even when I'm angry, probably because as a stepmom I've never really felt like I could squander the emotional currency I'd banked; with step kids, you can love them like your own but it doesn't guarantee that they'll love you back.
With my youngest kids, it's different. My stubborn little boy asks for cuddles even after he's pushed me to my limit by not listening. I know my youngest girl won't hold it against me if I raise my voice because she's taken 20 minutes to eat a single bite of rice. But when I shout, it's along the lines of "Pick up your toys right now!" or "Put that down, that's dangerous!" Not “This is ridiculous! I’ve been doing things all day for you!” Or worse.
I think there's a big difference between raising your voice to make a point and screaming something cruel at someone, especially a child, but the New York Times piece doesn't really address this. Of course yelling affects a child -- "If someone yelled at you at work, you’d find that pretty jarring. We don’t apply that standard to children,” says one of the study's lead author's, sociologist Murray A. Straus. But isn't what's being said as important -- or as detrimental -- as the tone in which it's said?
The study doesn't offer an alternative to yelling, though Amy McCready, the founder of Positive Parenting Solutions, acknowledges that most of the techniques out there don't do the trick. Parents "resort to reminding, nagging, timeout, counting 1-2-3 and quickly realize that those strategies don’t work to change behavior," she says in the article. "In the absence of tools that really work, they feel frustrated and angry and raise their voice. They feel guilty afterward, and the whole cycle begins again.”
Maybe what we need to do is just accept that we all lose it from time to time -- even supermoms and dads are only human. So, I'm asking my readers at Boston.com these questions: How do you keep your temper when your kids are pushing you to your limit? And what sets you off?
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